Changing Bad Habits - More Success, Less Stress

The problem with changing habits is that your bad habits are actually good habits gone wrong. I’ll prove it.

1 bad habit

Bad spending habits = A love for seeking out new and interesting things. You have a great ability to sort through many things to find something special.

Procrastination = Creativity in inventing many ways to keep yourself occupied. You are always looking for something ELSE to do.

Laziness = Finding the quickest way to do something. If someone wants something done in a very reasonable amount of time, you are the person to call.

Smoking = You know that taking a five minute break often will result in less stress and a clearer mind. You spend time utilizing five minutes for relaxation.

Yelling = You are willing to communicate. You feel deeply and strongly about your opinions and you want to express them, to be heard.

The rub

The rub is when these good traits are used in a way that causes negative consequences in your life.

Step 1

When you are changing bad habits, it is like trimming the fat from a piece of meat. Identify what you want to keep then toss the rest.

The first step is to write down the positive in the bad habit that you want to keep. You have to know what you want to keep about your bad habit. For example, if you are a yeller you will want to keep the habit of communication, just not how you are currently going about communicating.

How can you be changing habits if you don’t have a reason that is motivating enough to get you through those distraught moments?

I’ve heard over and over again, when I ask what it takes to change bad habits, “You have to want to change!”

I always want to change bad habits! At least in the beginning I do. It doesn’t ever seem to last long.

Yes, the consequences of my bad habits make me uncomfortable and at worst can destroy my life. But, when it comes right down to it, I would rather do the easy thing, feel good for a moment and revert to my old habits rather than feel the agony of changing bad habits.

When you find a purpose it will breed motivation to get you through those times when changing bad habits becomes difficult.

Step 2

How to find a purpose

Step two starts with asking a question about each of the five most important things in life, I will lay a stable purpose for changing bad habits.

5 Questions to discover your purpose for changing bad habits:

What am I afraid of, frustrated by, or hurt by that makes me want to keep this bad habit?

To find the motivation for changing bad habits and not return to them, I am going to ask myself a few questions about my purpose for changing habits. Once I have a specific purpose for changing bad habits, I can then keep myself motivated by keeping it in mind when discomfort and panic threatens my resolve.

Make sure you are specific about your bad habit when you answer these Write it down! I promise, when the craving to do those things occurs, you will forget anything about why you want to change bad habits

Here is an example of being specific and using these questions to gain purpose.

When I come home, I check the mail. I walk in the door. I am worn out! I set the mail in a pile. I go about the rest of my “just got home" routine.

The good in this habit is that I get strait to the important things that need to get done (shower, FOOD, letting the dog out). I want to retain this, part of my habit.

It takes up mind space. Space I could be using to think of something nice to do for the special people in my life. I won’t be avoiding and worrying about the mail pile. My attitude is free to be happier. Let’s face it, when I am happy, everyone is happy! Also, it relieves those around me of their duty to nag! Then, I don’t have to worry about being nagged and without nagging I definitely have a better attitude! (Go ahead nod your head in agreement. I know it’s true)

Honestly, so far, this hasn’t been enough of a purpose for me to change my bad habits.

I usually sort the mail on a weekend and it takes a fair amount of time. 60 seconds on a weekday isn’t much to get the mail into folders. On the other hand, an hour on a weekend is an hour I could be taking a nap or getting a picnic ready.

This is easy to answer- more time for what I want to do. I will feel better about my space.

I will feel proud and good about doing things in an organized and timely manner. I will feel less overwhelmed.

Do this every time you are changing bad habits. Write down the questions and answers and it will serve as your reminder sheet for when you are questioning why you started to changing bad habits in the first place. We are forgetful beings, especially under strain.

Now, you have answered these questions and you are feeling pretty good. But, when a child is screaming, the co-worker is “doing it again”, or your precious other isn’t listening and forgot to do that thing you asked them to, reading through that whole sheet of paper just won’t cut it.

Step 3

Create New Triggers!

Step three is all about shooting down old habits with new triggers. Take one two, or three things from your questions and make them into short statements, goals, motivations, affirmations, mottos, mantras- whatever it takes for you. I suggest writing them down on a post-it, business card or index card.

Put them where you can see them often (computer screen, bathroom mirror, underside of the toilet lid). Keep it with you at all times (pocket, pocket book, set an hourly alarm on your Blackberry, )!

You have things that trigger your bad habits, right? It is time to make triggers for your new habits; the post-its and a card in my pocket works for me.

Take time, right now, to think of ways to trigger your new habit. Be insane. The more senses and reminders you involve the easier and more sure your success is.

You have motivation! Pass go and collect your $200,000.00. Your bad habit will magically disappear like a leprechaun with a pot of gold.

Look away now if you don’t like dirty words. SELF DISCIPLINE a.k.a. self control, will power, determination, stick-to-it-ivness. Ugh. No! I’m not kidding. Here are some things I do that get me through this phase of changing bad habits.

Step 4

The Plan

We have all the ingredients for changing bad habits: motivation, purpose, a positive attitude about changing bad habits. What I don’t have is the will power.

How many times before have you said, “This time I will do it.” only to do it again? Don’t answer that. You might quit right now after all the thought and struggle to get here. So, If we put a plan in place to help deal with those times you chances of successfully changing bad habits are exponentially better.

What situations you are going to encounter that will try and defeat you as you are changing bad habits?

We as humans are routine creatures. We find it difficult not to do what we have always done. It is so easy to revert to old habits instead of changing habits. Avoid this!

You are going to eat healthier by eating only vegetables for snacks. You have your purpose, motivation and new triggers. But, the desert cart goes by...

Let me repeat: be very specific. I want to complain less is completely immeasurable and so it is ineffective when trying to change bad habits. Another approach might be: I will state a solution to each complaint I have. If I do not have a solution, I will talk about those difficulties only in the car on the way home for 15 minutes then send them away.

1. A list of impediments: to changing bad habits: people, self talk (I can convince myself of anything positive or negative!) places, situations, times and ways to combat them.

2. Replacement: a way to do it different. Be crazy!!! The more you like you replacement the more likely you are to stick with it. What is one of your personality strengths… is it drawing? Every time you walk in the house draw a picture on a little map of where you are setting your keys. Do you love to think about new and exotic places to visit, do this instead of thinking about _________ (you fill in the blank). Are you stopping __________ then sign up for parachuting class. Have a fantasy about ___________ instead of __________.

3. Plan B: Just in case you get caught in an unexpected situation; so you don’t break your momentum and continue to do so. Don’t forget, you are human… plan for it.

4. Barriers: Make it difficult for yourself to not change bad habits. Set up road blocks and obstacles to impede the repetition of routines or triggers that keep you in bondage to your bad habits.

There is one more simple step, but before we get there here are some hints that you might want to include in your plan and that help with sticking with it.

Remind yourself constantly by any means and every means what you are accomplishing as you change bad habits.

Start small. Tomorrow you will not be able save 300 dollars. Even if your goal is to save 300 dollars by June, if you wait till May to save $150 out of each two week check you will probably bite the dust. State, I will save 10 dollars from every paycheck, or every time I think about watching porn I will put 5 dollars in coins a jar.

Get accountable. Tell someone. Have them check in on you. Call in at specific time when you are most likely to have difficulty. Get a buddy, that is changing bad habits too, to go the road with you. There are many support groups for any kind of bad habit from smoking,drinking to much, over spending and over eating to anger, control, or organization issues. There are even groups for shy people and chronic procrastinators. Join one.

Celebrate. Celebrate and talk about what you have accomplished no matter how small. You have achieved whether it be for a moment, a day, or 10 years. Continue to celebrate each step along the way.

Sever your exposure to certain triggers for a time. It may take a clean break from the triggers that initiate your habitual response for you to change bad habits. Do this until your new habit is strong.

Practice situations with yourself in the mirror, with a friend or stranger. The more practice you have responding and acting appropriately, even in a very controlled environment such as role play, the more likely it is that you will use your good habits to approach situations confidently. Creating then responding with your new habit does not have to happen in a real situation for you to achieve benefits.

Don't Wait!!! If you have a mis-step and fall into an old routine, or do that thing you said weren't going to, dont wait! Immediately start changing habits again. Don't say, "Well I will start again tomorrow." Or, "Today is shot for not getting ticked off. I might as well enjoy a day of not keeping myself under control." "I had that chocolate bar and it is right around my period. I will just start my veggie only snack after..."

This thinking will kill your momentum. It will challenge your resolve to change bad habits. Stop your bad habit right away. Accept that you are human (don't guilt yourself) but jump strait back on the path to changing habits.

Step 5

Try again. Revamp your plan to address the difficulty that made you stumble. You will get it right. The more often you try the more likely your chance of successfully changing bad habits.

That's it. Congratulations! You are well on your way to defeating nasty ole habits and creating a new and more effective, enjoyable way of life.

Time is on your side. The final ingredient to changing bad habits is time. This process cannot be rushed. It will take approximately 7 to 66 days and possibly up to a lifetime to make your bad habits into good habits that work for you. You might even find you have it licked one day and the next it’s considerably tougher.

With time you will find that you can, you will, you are changing habits, you have already changed bad habits.

From your positive, purposeful, planned recipe for changing habits you will see a beautiful healthy strong habit rise.

I’ll tell you what; try it for three weeks (remember start small). Try three weeks if you can. That’s it. See how it goes. If it still seems like too much, try again another time. With a firm purpose, and new motivation, new triggers and a plan, you will succeed.

Be proactive:

Is there a habit you know you want to have in the future such as writing things down because your memory will eventually not be so sharp? Start doing it now- every single time. When you get older it will not be an issue. Will you want to be flexible when you are fifty and your kids want you to go water skiing? Start stretching every day in your office chair or instead of a couch put a stretching mat in front of the TV. Are you concerned about financial stress in the future? Make a habit of living a little more beneath your means: eat out once less and spring for the cheaper ice-cream.

When you attack and start changing bad habits with tenacity you are defining and refining your character. Today you accept change.

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Changing Bad Habits Into Success

Changing habits forever starts here!

The Secret Recipe